Queer Dating in Japan: Dos and Don’ts

Source: Gaijin Pot
Queer Dating in Japan: Dos and Don'ts

Dating and eventually entering into some significant relationships with Japanese men has allowed me to learn and grow in so many ways. While not without momentary frustrations caused by miscommunication and different cultural expectations, I highly advise you all to try out dating during your time abroad. If anything, your Japanese will get so much better!

But, if you want a relationship that can withstand the challenges of Japanese norms and daily life, here are a few dos and don’ts to keep in mind.

Do: Communicate

Before starting out, you can refer to my article on being LGBTQ in Japan for tips on finding dates. Another article on online dating, while aimed at straight women, also offers some insights on finding men online, and the recommended apps have LGBT options.

Let’s assume you’ve started dating people by this point. Communication and space are really important from the get-go if you are looking for a more serious relationship. When my current boyfriend and I met, we decided on a “five date campaign,” where we would resist getting overly physical with each other until our fifth date. This was advice he got from a friend, and I found it to be a charming bonding experience. Obviously, agreeing on this point already meant that we were more serious, and expressing that seriousness early on is always a good thing.

Language barriers are also a two-way street, especially in the beginning. Remember that if you are expecting your Japanese partner to carry the weight of communicating in a foreign language, you will need to be extra patient if they happen to say something bluntly, or fail to communicate at all. Always give them the benefit of the doubt and help them express themselves. Also, make an effort to learn as much Japanese as possible so that …continue reading